Health Education
by Peter is Pan
Summary: My friends and I joked about this. Grimmjow learns something in a health class that he should put to use. Grimmichi and HichiUlqui


**My friends and I joked about this during health class and thought it would be funny.**

**I typed this out super fast so it's got little to no details**

_**Health Education**_

Grimmjow stared at the piece of paper that was given to him.

"Why do I need this?"

He asked looking up at his favorite orange haired shinigami. Ichigo sighed and snatched the paper from his hands and pointed to the top.

"These are your classes. If you're going to attend school, you need to take them."

Grimmjow just watched Ichigo with a skeptical expression.

"I already know everything."

Ichigo sighed and rubbed his temples.

"Not about the World of the Living. Even Ulquiorra and Hichigo are taking these classes! Ulquiorra is smarter than you and Hichigo has even listened to me ramble about homework, although they both don't know half the stuff a normal human should! And you believe that you already know?"

Grimmjow stayed silent for a few moments.

"But I have no classes with you."

Ichigo gaped at him.

"You've been whining all day because I have no classes with you? Grimmjow I practically spend all my life with you ever since you and Ulquiorra switched sides!"

"That's still not enough."

Grimmjow whined pulling Ichigo into and embrace and nuzzling orange hair. Ichigo sighed and let Grimmjow hold him. There weren't a lot of these types of moments in their relationship. It was mostly sex and rape. Well more rape than sex, until Grimmjow was able to bend him in more ways then one. Ichigo lifted his arms around the older male and tightened the hold. Ichigo inhaled the musky scent that made Grimmjow, Grimmjow.

"Hey Grimm we should- eeeek!"

Ichigo made a very, um, manly squeal a Grimmjow lowered his hands and squeezed his butt. Ichigo shoved the older male away lowering his head attempting to hide his strawberry blush. Grimmjow had a trademark smirk plastered on his face.

"We should what, Ichi?"

"Nothing sexual! We have to get to school, before Ulqui-"

"Before what Ichigo?"

Ichigo stopped mid sentence and whipped around to see two pale figures. Hichigo had a shark like grin on his face and his arm was wrapped around Ulquiorra's waist. Ulquiorra remained stoic as always.

"Well, well abiou, me thinks you forgot about your curfew."

Hichigo giggled pulling Ulquiorra closer. Ichigo groaned and leaned against the side of the school's front gate. They were in front of school at 5p.m. Ichigo was supposed to drop Grimmjow off for the night class. Why night class? Well let's just say if Grimmjow had the day class like Ichigo things would get, erm, out of hand. Like a big ex-Espada trying to rape you in a class of your peers. Ichigo was supposed to just drop Grimmjow off and return home to help the pale couple work on the flat they just bought. Hichigo told him that if he were to come later than 5 p.m. he would quote 'tie Ichigo naked to a building in his inner world and make it pour'. He would then release Ichigo after a good week. Ichigo was hoping to avoid that, but a teal haired pain decided against it.

"Hichigo I swear to God that Grimmjow held me against my will."

"It didn't look like that a second ago."

Hichigo laughed. He let go of Ulquiorra and walked over to Ichigo grabbing the orange haired teen's arm.

"Good evening gents! I've got some torturing to do. So let's go home Ichigo, ne?"

"God dammit Grimmjow! When you get home I'll kill you! I swear to God!"

"Ichigo's voice faded as he disappeared down the darkening street. Grimmjow frowned and looked over to the emo arrancar that was left with him.

"Is he seriously going to torture him?"

"Probably, but not what he originally was going to do. Hichigo likes it when you really don't know what he's planning."

"Why do you love a sadistic bastard like that?"

Ulquiorra looked at Grimmjow and raised an eyebrow.

"I could ask Ichigo the same thing."

Grimmjow huffed. He waved a good-bye to Ulquiorra and walked off to the lit school. He walked into the school's main hallway from the front glass doors.

_1-B……….1-B…………….There we, wait that's 2-B………………Finally!_

Grimmjow grabbed the handle of the door and walked into the room. There were five tables in the room with six people seated at them. The teacher at the front of the room pointed at the chalkboard, but stopped as she heard the door open. Grimmjow walked up to her and gave her the class schedule.

"Ah, well welcome Mr. Jeagarjacques."

Grimmjow muttered a 'thank you' and moved over to the front table. The girl that had been originally sitting there giggled. He lifted his upper lip revealing his sharp fangs. The woman laughed tossing her long black hair.

"What a sexy frown."

"Gina, thank you for bringing up today's topic."

The teacher announced startling her. She returned her gaze to the board with a light blush. Grimmjow smirked and turned his gaze to the board.

"Sexual intercourse."

The teacher said reading what was written on the board. Grimmjow chuckled. Maybe these lessons weren't a complete waste of time.

"HIV is spread through what fluids class?"

_HIV?_

Grimmjow tilted his head.

"Blood, breast milk, vaginal fluid, and semen."

Grimmjow raised his hand. The teacher nodded.

"What is HIV?"

The class laughed at Grimmjow's ignorance. The teacher silenced them with a glare.

"Good question Grimmjow. HIV or Human Immunodeficiency Virus is an STD. An STD is a sexually transmitted disease that attacks the immune system. It makes the body become weak against disease. After a couple years it goes into the final stage called AIDS. AIDS or Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome is where the body's immune system can no longer fight disease and the victim dies. HIV and AIDS is usually started in teenage years when your careless and don't practice abstinence or where condoms."

She paused going behind her wooden desk. She opened a drawer and pulled out what looked like a rubber balloon.

"This a condom."

She gave it to Grimmjow who sniffed it, curiously. He scrunched his nose. It smelled of rubber and plastic.

"Now back when HIV was discovered the majority was in homosexual males."

Grimmjow felt his heart rate increase.

"Now days it has spread out to the heterosexuals, but its still high in homosexual males. However their numbers have decreased over the years."

Grimmjow felt sweat drip down his face. More common in homosexuals? Like him and Ichigo? What if Ichigo had sex before they became a couple? No Ichi was a virgin. Grimmjow could tell. But what if an arrancar he had randomly done it with had HIV? What if he had it? Or worse, what if he had given it to Ichigo? Grimmjow gulped and calmed himself before listening to the teacher.

"What other problems can arrive from sex?"

"Pregnancy."

"That's right, pregnancy. Pregnant teens usually don't except the baby so many quit high school to take care of the baby. Pregnancy usually occurs from unprotected sex."

This had to be a sick joke. Did Ichi just send him to school to show him how careless he was? Maybe it was the pale couple, Ulquiorra and Hichigo. Grimmjow inhaled deeply. It was a good thing he went, or something like this could've happened. He listened closely for the next hour drinking in every word. Soon the clock struck 7pm.

"Good evening class, I hope you make good decisions."

Grimmjow waited for everyone to leave and walked to the teacher.

"Yes Grimmjow?"

"Is it okay if I take a handful of condoms?"

He asked shuffling his feet. The teacher gave him a frown.

"Well I suppose it's okay. I was only using them for the presentation."

She said reaching into her desk and giving Grimmjow a box full. Grimmjow took it and stopped when another problem surfaced.

"Do you have and birth control pills?"

The teacher's eyes widened.

"Mr. Jeagerjacques just what are you doing tonight?"

Grimmjow kept his mouth shut. The teacher sighed and pulled out a bag with two small white pills.

"I guess I should be a bit relieved. At least you're thinking about the consequences."

"Thank you."

He said walking out of the room. He used garganta to get home quickly. He stepped out of the dark portal startling Ulquiorra who was sitting on the couch.

"What is that?"

He asked, Grimmjow curled his upper lip.

"Wouldn't you like to know."

He stormed out of the small living room into the kitchen.

"HICHIGO!"

He shouted.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

Hichigo shouted from behind him.

"Where is Ichigo?"

Hichigo smirked. His gaze shifted to the stairs. Grimmjow hissed

"You better not have hurt him."

He whipped around and jumped up the stairs. Opening the main bedroom door with vigor.

"Ichi- whoa."

Grimmjow stood in the doorway staring at the scene before. Ichigo was bound to the head post on the bed. His clothes were slightly crumpled with a light blush and he was panting hard.

"Grimm, you bastard. Get over here and help me!"

Grimmjow smirked.

"Wow I like Hichigo's taste."

Stripping from his shirt he sauntered over.

**HIV is spread through sex**

The teacher's voice rang in his head causing him to pause. He sat down on the side of the bed and opened the box of condoms still in his hand.

"Grimm what's that?"

Ichigo's voice wheezed.

"Just some protection."

There was a moment of silence before Ichigo's stunned voice spoke

"Are those condoms?"

"Yes"

"Are you shitting me?"

Ichigo yelled, furious.

"Ichi I'm just trying to protect you!"

"From what?!"

"From HIV and pregnancy" Grimmjow stated like it was the most logical answer.

"You're an idiot! HIV is spread through live people and you're dead! As for pregnancy, only women get pregnant!"

There was silence until Ichigo heard the snap of rubber.

"You're freaking kidding me!"

~Morning~

Grimmjow dropped two white pills into a small cup of coffee. After the argument he helped Ichigo with his little, erm, problem. It was going fine until he noticed that the condom had snapped. Grimmjow lifted his head as he heard footsteps. Ichigo yawned walking into the kitchen.

"Morning"

Ichigo greeted him. Grimmjow nodded an affirmative.

"Where are Ulquiorra and Hichigo?"

Ichigo asked sitting on the glass counter.

"They left about an hour ago to Urahara's. Ulquiorra has been sick for the past couple of days and they want to see what's wrong."

"Good. They need to find out what's wrong."

Ichigo stared at the coffee cup sitting next to Grimmjow. He noticed his lover's gaze.

"Would you like some?"

"Yes please"

Ichigo said leaping from the counter. Grimmjow passed him the cup. Blowing on the top he brought it to his lips and took a gulp. Ichigo's brown eyes widened and he coughed. Two pills fell to the floor.

"What the hell are those?"

He shouted to the teal haired man.

"Birth control pills. Ichi-"

"I'M NOT A WOMAN!"

Ichigo screamed throwing the full cup at Grimmjow. He dived under the table.

"Ichi the condom broke!"

"I don't care about some God damn condom! Why are being so stupid?"

He yelled as he grabbed Grimmjow's feet and yanked the arrancar out from under the table. Suddenly the front door opened. The couple stopped fighting to see Ulquiora storm in with his face in a scowl.

"Uli-"

"DON'T EVER TALK TO ME AGAIN!"

Ulquiorra cried when Hichigo attempt to comfort him. Ulquiorra stomped up the stairs and slammed the door. Ichigo raised an eyebrow at Hichigo.

"Why is he pissed?"

The orange haired look alike asked. Hichigo sighed and scratched his head.

"Well your not going to believe this, but Ulquiorra's pregnant."

The couple's eyes widened. Grimmjow shook his head. Ulquiorra pregnant? No way in hell. He felt the weight on his feet lift and saw Ichigo looking around on the floor. Ichigo detected his stare and yelled at him.

"Help me find the pills! Do you want me to get pregnant?"


End file.
